OK, boys and girls... this is where Benzilla gets to more or less free-write. For fear that my genius might someday be lost to time, I thought I'd take this opportunity to share my... unique perspectives with all of you. Make no mistake. This experience will change the way you view the world. For instance, you might soon find yourself lamenting, "If only people had more common sense and consideration for others, we'd all have more time to worry about our hair." Most of what is contained here is text (with diagrams where appropriate). So if you don't like to read, this may not be the section for you. You have to REALLY want to get to know me or else appreciate some subtle humor to get through it all. Now, should I ever be arrested for anything related to a delusional episode, I expect the information provided here will be used as evidence against me. So print this stuff out... own a piece of history.

Background

• "Manifesto Benzillum (Why I'm Better Than You)"
  Here's the starting point for everyone new to Benzilla. Where does this vanity come from? Am I really all the man I say I am? Look here to discover just how much of a failure you really are.



• "My Living Room"
  This is a relic left over from an earlier version of my site. It has all sorts of useless information about my past cars, favorite movies, high school life, etc. Eventually, I will disperse the information among the other parts of my site. Until then, you get the old ugly version.

Mind, Body, & Soul

• "Confidence in a Cup: Life, Fear, and the Nature of the Balls"
  Looking for a way to feel better about yourself? Need an extra boost of confidence to close that deal? Want to fight Mike Tyson? I think I've found the answer.



• "Destination: Malta"
  I think big. I live big. I feel I need my own country, and unless I want to colonize Antarctica, I need a location. So, why Malta? Well, why not?



• "Justifiable Homicide: The Value of Animal Life"
  If I was driving down a street one day and suddenly found both you and a dog in the middle of the street, and I had to make a choice, I'd choose to hit you. Here's why.



• "The Big Bangs Theory" - coming soon
  In the past few years, I've noticed a correlation between the height of my hair and my overall strength as a man, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Morrissey had the right idea, and so did Elvis. Now you too can learn the secret!



• "Back in MY Day (What's Wrong With America's Youth)" - coming soon
  Maybe I'm crazy (no, really?), but the generation that was born after 1979 has me worried. Chances are, if you were born after me, you're worthless. I'll tell you why.

Music

• "My Favorite Artists and Why" - coming soon



• "The Problem With (Most) Rap" - coming soon



• "The Problem With (Most) Country" - coming soon



• "The Problem With (Most) Alternative" - coming soon

Etiquette

• "BART Etiquette" - coming soon



• "Driving Etiquette" - coming soon



• "Public Bathroom Etiquette" - coming soon



• "Walking Etiquette" - coming soon

Business & Politics

• "Your 'President': The Myth Of U.S. Democracy"
  Bush lost. And I'm kind of stuck here. The people who really need to be reading this (the people who think Bush is the rightful president) are the very same people who can't read to begin with! If you know someone who could benefit from this information, do us all a service and read it to them.

One-Minute Rants

• "Alarm Clocks: Maybe The Worst Invention Ever"



• "Animal Testing = Hypocrisy"



• "The Glory Of Rome: Bush And The Politics Of Fear"



• "Motivational Peeing: At Least I'm Not A Urinal"



• "Schwarzedavis: Business As Usual In Sacramento?"

Contributing Editors

• "Tipping Philosophy" by Jared Moon
  Jared explains why if you want those extra dollars from him, you're gonna have to dance for them. Dance, Piggy! Dance!